my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize