the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
