Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
