don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
