gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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