Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
