we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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