my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
