Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
