Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
