And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
