Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
