JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
