My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
