I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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