Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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