Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
