i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
