he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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