i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
