And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
