If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
