I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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