my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
