phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
