Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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