Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
two words: eviction party
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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