It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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