Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
