Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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