Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
