Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
