just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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