Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize