My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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