it wasn't lemon gatorade
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's never too late to be topless.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
