Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
