does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize