you guys were way drunker than both of me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
