Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
