im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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