So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
