she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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