I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
