What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
