So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menโs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iโm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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