didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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