hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
