Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
