he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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