im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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