Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
