I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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