Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
