Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
