I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
