why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
