youre lurking in front of me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
