Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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