whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
