508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize