Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize