Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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